Amy's Courage and Compassion

[Amy]

[On Thursday our friend Amy lost her courageous battle with cancer and we have lost her gentle spirit and amazing compassion.  Amy knew the heartbreak of losing both of her sons to violence.  One was killed as a teenager in a senseless murder, the other, now sentenced for murder, resides in Menard CC.

Following lengthy discussions between crime victim family members and families of offenders, Amy explained her unselfish forgiveness and compassion for her son's killer and his family.  She refused a second murder trial of the offender following her son's death, after three years in a coma. 

Amy found peace with her decision.  This was such a controversial topic that following Amy's post in "One Victim's Perspective" the thread was locked.  There was nothing left to be said.  Amy's post will be an eternal reminder of the power of forgiveness and compassion of a grieving mother.  ~ Dazzler]



I have lived both sides of the coin,   retired from the Chicago Public Schools.
I'm also a victim, Mother of 2 boys my youngest son was shot in 1987,16 yrs. old, first. day on the job, washing cars at a car dealer,just returned from a fishing trip, preparing to return to school, there was a teachers strike, he convinced me to let him work a tempt. part time job just till strike was over, It was supposed to be a safe neighborhood being a busy business section.

For 3 yrs. I cared for my comatose son until he deceased.
Prior to that we had gone to court, the man that shot my son received 30 years,
for attempt of murder. The Judge stated that because my son had brain waves,
he couldn't be charged with murder but if my son would die from this gun shot he
Would be trialled for murder.
When my son died, I was contacted by States Attorneys office stating that the
Charges were now murder and we could retrial. I refused the retrial. Not just because
I didn't want to go through it all again but because I had info. about this man being
repentful and having a difficult time incarcerated, he had already done 3 yrs. and I
Knew he had 27 more to go. Well 12 yrs. later I was contacted that the man was
being release from jail because at that time with good behavior and all, they could
get out with half time. For a minute when I got the news I was like, how could this be,
but I had a friend that attended the same church this mans father attended and
through her I would here about how badly this family was affected by what their son
had done and the difficult time this man was living in the IDOC.
Well I let it go and went on with my life, He served his time
 whether he did 15 or 30 yrs. plus either way  it wasn't going to bring my son back.
 
In 2004 my oldest son, a serious 36 year old man, struck someone whom later on
that night died, they said it was cause by the blow he received from my son.
My son was traumatized, he could not believe this could have happened. He admitted
to striking the person but by no means was it with intentions of even hurting him
badly. Either way he was charged with Murder and sentenced to 35 yrs.
We are all sick to the stomach, this is a nightmare, he has been incarcerated and
still cannot accept the way things happened, he states that what helps him do the
time is the fact that this person died because of him, but it bothers him that he was
charged with Murder, he feels it should of been Reckless or Unintentional homicide,
because in no way was it intentional. What sickens me is that, as of 2004 there is a
law that they have to do the 35 yrs. There's not much we can do, just pray that his
appeal goes through, That he gets the appropriate sentence and time.
 
Yes there are bad people, Yes there are sick people that should be locked up
for our safety and theirs.  The Illinois Department of Correction should be just that.
Instead it's more like a Department of Punishment and that's why its a vicious circle.
Its like going to church for confession, so we could repent and change, instead
we're nailed to the cross.
Are we aware that there are Inmates that  prefer the death penalty
to Life without Parole.
Not every one that causes someone's death is a murderer,
Not every one that kills someone was with the intention to kill.
 
Not every one on this site is a girlfriend of an inmate.
IPT consists of mothers, fathers, siblings, aunts, social workers, counselors,
attorneys, pastors, correctional officers even some wardens visit our sites.
So please lets not hurt each other with harsh words, "lets be true to the cause."
Lets remember we must forgive to be forgiven.
Now I've got to get back to my book, I recommend it highly, its titled
Why do Bad Things Happen to Good People?
 
Please excuse any errors, it's a difficult post for me, wasn't thinking of grammar,
if so I would of never been able to finish it.    Thank You   

[Dazzler]

We will miss you Amy.....

[Scout]

I had forgotten about that post.  Amy was a woman with a beautiful spirit.  She is gone, but she will never be forgotten. 

[Jims]

This is a particularly timely post just now. Amy was an amazing woman to have done what she did.

[jewels]

Amy had such courage, understanding and compassion for both sides of the coin.Her story is so sad and yet, in a way, brings hope for the future. We'll never forget you Amy.

[Forevermah]

Amy loved IPT and she used every opportunity she had, to tell someone about it. On a bus trip to Menard, she got up and told all the passengers going to visit their loved ones about IPT. Once at Menard she told others waiting in line. She could not believe that we were just one year old!  Just think if everyone of our 600+ members would tell just one person what a force we would be.  Thank you Amy, you will be missed, you were a very special person!    We know though you will be looking over us  #&*(

Thanks to Amy, we have our topic Who We Are ..she is the one that emailed Dazzler and asked that question:

Today I received this wonderful e-mail from our member Amy.  I thought I'd share it with everyone and respond to her question.... ~ Dazzler


May 15th I entered this web site. I registered, have visited the site on many occasions,
I am still in shock over my love ones 35 year sentence and having a very difficult time accepting this. Visiting the site is so soothing for me. But as much as I've visited I still can't figure out how this site got started and by whom.  I think this is very important info. for
those that enter the site. I feel it should be part of the welcoming . I was welcomed but never responded nor have I posted anything cause I still speechless. Now, I'd like to say:
" I am so grateful to those that work the site, God Bless You All."
I registered as MacrameAmy......and yes you may use/foward this mail in www.IllinoisPrisonTalk~Amy

Amy, we would welcome your posts and offer our support.  I hope you soon feel comfortable enough to trust us and actively participate.  The reason this website was started is for the very reason you stated in your email...'the site is so soothing for me...'   That is the mission of this site....to calm loved ones, offer our support, give answers to the thousands of questions newcomers have and to build friendships and understanding for those that deal with the pressure and anguish of loving an inmate.

This site was started by a handful of former members from another national support site.  We had participated in other forums and felt the need for a site dedicated soley to the Illinois Department of Corrections inmates.  Some websites for inmate support do not foster or promote prison issue activisim.   Here, at IPT, we not only encourage activism, we promote it and participate in many programs that will benefit our loved ones in Illinois prisons.  Many members from other forums joined us feeling more comfortable here where there are some private forums away from the public's view.

Each day our membership grows and so does the vast variety of members.  We have members and guests from many walks of life, with the same goal...supporting inmates in the IDOC.  There are many members that represent organizations, others are family members of inmates, still others are professionals who provide answers to the many complexities of prison life.  The majority of our members have a loved one in the IDOC, however there are many others that participate here:  attorneys, social workers, writers, a publisher of a Prison newsletter, several prison ministries representatives, ex-offenders, prison advocates and activists, victims of violent crimes.  We have a substance abuse counselor, medical professionals, legal researchers, computer techies, bankers and students.  IPT has members from many different backgrounds and nationalities.  We have members from five different countries.  But the most important thing is the support and information that is shared on this forum.  It's devastating for a mother whose son has been sentenced to prison.  The grief of a wife who may spend years without her husband is painful.  A sister that loses her brother in a senseless moment....all share a common bond that others may never experience or understand.

Dealing with any prison system can be frightening and confusing.  Our mission is to soothe your fears, provide answers and a shoulder to lean on.  We ask nothing of our members except to share information you may obtain and to offer support to other members.  You may reveal as much or as little information as you'd feel comfortable sharing.  We respect each other's anonyminity and our inmates' privacy.

At IPT we understand the frustration that family/friends face when loving an inmate and offer a safe place to discuss all aspects of this often times heartbreaking, lonely and confusing experience.

Thank you for your kind words of praise for IPT Amy and we welcome you to our forum and hope we can offer you some comfort as you attempt to deal with yours and your loved one's situation.~ Dazzler

[Sister]

I read that post before, and I enjoyed reading it again. 

Amy once told me that she felt compelled to post her feelings about the situation with her son because of some of the emotional posts that she read that I had written.

I guess not all of  us "wear our hearts on our sleeve" as I do.....I tend to post my heart felt feelings of the hurt and discouragement that I have experienced and continue to go through, while others don't express so much about their feelings.

Amy showed me that I am not alone.  She felt as I felt about losing my brother, only I know it was worse for her, being as she had lost one son and in a sense, lost the other in the prison system.   We could relate on losing a family member for a lifetime........it is something that no one can really understand unless they have been there. 

I will miss her.

[mamacita1]

I have been haunted about Amy's passing and wondered if her son ever got to see her one last time before she was buried.

Knowing that it is expensive to transport inmates during these emergencies, I am wondering if we should start an Amy Memorial Fund to be used for active participants' inmate, in the event that one of our members should pass away?  I am not suggesting that we could afford to cover the entire expense, but a little could go a long way....

What do you all think?

[jlosch1982]

what about her son?  is there anyone that goes to see him anymore?

[Dazzler]

Yes, Amy's son is the finace of our member Joeysgurl and she visits him regularily and is a great source of support to him as she was to Amy....

[jlosch1982]

good i hope things work out for the best for them all